


Not Even a Mouse

by alex_caligari



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, F/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_caligari/pseuds/alex_caligari
Summary: Strange things always happen at Christmastime. Being in an alternate universe is no excuse to miss it.





	Not Even a Mouse

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 2010.
> 
> Original author's note: Written for the Carol-A-Thon 2009 at songs_in_time on LiveJournal. I was given the prompt "TenII/Rose and 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' by Judy Garland."

“Snow,” the Doctor said. “Real snow.” The white flakes that caught in his hair made him look like a Christmas card.

Rose watched him and remembered a time From Before when they stood under a snowfall together, the promise of eternity still at his fingertips. “Strange things happen here around this time,” she said.

“What, stranger than our usual?” he replied, giving her a cocky grin.

“Suppose not,” she said, allowing a small smile in return. “But little things, all over.”

His first few months had been hard. During the day, he seemed like his old self, curious and calculating. But she could hear him pacing the halls at night, like a restless animal. Eventually, the pacing stopped, and she hadn’t asked why.

“Like what? Fairies dancing at windows?” He stepped closer to her, and she leaned into him.

“People see things. Old things, or familiar things. Personal stuff.”

He pursed his lips in thought. “Have you...?”

“Never. I think it’s just people that have been shut up in their homes for too long. Get a bit of cabin fever, and suddenly Great Uncle Germaine is in your cupboard.”

“Christmas ghosts. Seems fitting.”

“I’ve seen enough of ghosts.”

He had said he was human, but that was like saying a sports car is a golf cart; four wheels (one heart) and an engine (one lifespan), but the similarities ended there. The first time he walked into the Torchwood lab, he promptly pricked his finger and tested his blood. He was AB+ and had 82 chromosomes.

“So apart from seeing relatives in various parts of the house, what does one do at Christmas, in London, in Universe 368/scarlet/21? Don’t tell me,” he said, springing away and grinning, “people dress as world leaders and light effigies, right? Or is there a Great Sky Fox with a carriage pulled by a dozen hedgehogs who gives good little children presents of tin whistles, but only if you leave a saucer of milk out for the hedgehogs?”

She could barely answer him through her giggles. “No, no, nothing like that. Pretty much the same, turkey and paper hats and all that. And,” she said as he opened his mouth, “Mum’s not cooking dinner.”

He managed to look abashed and flirtatious at the same time. “I would never say this to her face, but her cooking wasn’t half-bad.”

“Really? And it only took a parallel universe for you to realize it.”

“It’s not the only revelation I’ve had,” he said, and kissed her while the snow on her skin melted.

A few days later, Judy Garland was singing carols over the radio, and he caught Rose staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said, “just wondering if this would be considered our first Christmas, is all.”

“It’s at least our third,” he replied.

“Yes, but every time has been with a different version of you.”

He looked at her, and Rose wondered how she could have doubted they were the same person. He had the same gaze, and she knew he was reading something in her that she herself was only barely aware of. The difference came when he actually asked about it. Still rare, but it happened.

“You’re worried about next Christmas. You think next year it’ll be different again, so you don’t want to get too used to it.”

She looked away from him. His words struck a very sensitive spot that she thought had healed long ago. She heard movement and suddenly his arms were around her. “I’m going to do everything in my power to not leave you again. In any form.”

“I know,” she said. Her voice lacked the conviction she tried to feel.

“Have a merry Christmas, Rose,” he said. “Listen to Ms. Garland.”

She burrowed into his shirt in response. They sat there, in front of a real log fire and surrounded by Christmas trappings, while Rose quietly wept away her uncertainty.

&&&

The Doctor had always assumed that he enjoyed Christmas, even his particular version of the holiday. What he didn’t realize was that he enjoyed it so much because he missed all the build-up. Suddenly, he was surrounded by sales, late-night shopping, cooking, guest lists, decorations far beyond the standard tree, and more family rows than he would have thought could be associated with a peaceful season. He would prefer aliens any day.

The simple stress of it all managed to overwhelm him, so he returned to his late-night prowling. He knew he should talk to Rose about it, reassure her that it had nothing to do with her, that he wasn’t getting restless and wouldn’t disappear in the middle of the night, although he felt that Rose was still half-expecting it.

He didn’t want to run, exactly, but something was making him twitchy. He wasn’t familiar with this sensation, and he wondered if it was a human thing.

He was walking past the mirror in the hall when he froze. Rose was in bed, and the house was as quiet as the proverbial mouse, so no one was around to see his odd reaction. He backed up and looked at his reflection. His face gazed back at him, at once both hard and longing, and had the look of a stranger. Not altogether surprising, considering the reflection was wearing a brown pinstripe suit that he himself no longer had.

He stared at the glass, then resolutely turned away and stalked down the hall.

The next day he walked by a shop window and in the corner of his eye saw dark clothes and short hair. He didn’t bother stopping.

He was almost fooled by the black and white image in the hood of a car, until he noticed the long black necktie. He put the shivering down to the cold seeping into his bones.

He didn’t tell Rose about any of these occurrences, preferring to ignore them. What she said about people seeing things kept cropping up in his mind, and he wondered if the same rules applied to a hybrid metacrisis stranded in the wrong universe. Perhaps hallucinations would be standard fare for him now. He only wished that he could at least have normal hallucinations, and not ones of his former lives.

The more he ignored it, however, the more places he seemed to see them. Through the morning frost on the windows, in the shadows under a streetlight, in the crowds of holiday shoppers. To his already rattled mind, they seemed to be getting more invasive, more solid. He stopped sleeping altogether.

It was in the same hall where he first saw the other face that he stopped again. It was three o’clock in the morning, December 25, and there was a stranger in the house.

“Hello, Doctor,” he said. The other stood in front of him, fully formed and solid, impossibly real and brown suited.

“Hello,” it replied.

They stood in silence. The Doctor didn’t want to indulge the delusion, but he was curious what his subconscious had to say, and maybe this would make it stop. “What do you want?”

The other smiled. “You’ve done well here. I’m impressed.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well, can’t be all good if I’m seeing hallucinations of myself.”

The other’s smile widened. “Who said this was a hallucination?”

The Doctor felt a shiver move down his back and across his ribs. This was bad.

The other moved closer. “I never should have left you behind,” it said, “either of you. I was wrong, and I want you back with me. Both of you.”

The Doctor stared at him. This is what he wanted? The approval of his Time Lord counterpart? “How?” he asked.

The other’s smile changed into something predatory, and for the first time the Doctor noticed the hard glint in his eyes.

“I found a hole. Just a tiny crack, nothing noticeable unless you were looking for it. But it’s stable and it’s open both ways. Rose can come back. You can come back.”

The Doctor shook his head in disbelief. It was so tempting to believe him, to think that the Time Lord had finally figured it out. _But it wasn’t real._ It couldn’t be. “That’s...”

“Impossible?” The other smirked. “I’ve been trying to reach you for days; you probably saw me. The hole had a bit of temporal interference, so there may have been, ah, other versions.”

“Yeah, I saw those.”

The other reached out his hand. “Come with me,” he said.

The Doctor met the other’s eyes and saw the loneliness and regret there, and had already started to reach for him when he saw movement in the darkness. He snatched his hand back as another figure stepped forward.

“I do love a good reunion,” it said in a harsh accent. The other did not look surprised to find it had company.

“That’s not fair,” the Doctor said, glancing between blue eyes and brown. “How many more are going to show up?”

“Don’t worry, Doctor,” the newcomer said. It was the first time he had been called ‘Doctor’ by either Time Lord. “Just a little temporal interference. It won’t reach that far into the past.”

Suddenly, the Doctor felt very angry. “Why the hell are you here? Come to comment on the metacrisis freak?”

“No. I actually find it fascinating that I pulled off such a feat. But that’s not why I’m here. Think of me as a reminder of what you had.”

“Hah!” the Doctor barked. “Like I need a reminder! I’m stuck here, one time, one place, no identity, no assets, and you lot come swanning in just to show me what I’m missing.”

“That’s why I’m here,” the other said. He was still holding out his hand. “I can take you back. You can travel with me, through the stars like you used to. Please.”

The one in the leather coat spoke up again. “You’ve managed to progress, but it’s all coming undone. We told Rose that she made us better, but we’re slipping backwards. Because of the temporal interference, you could go back to before. Look at him,” he said, gesturing to the other, “he’s falling apart. He’s too far gone now, but if you could return to another point, before all this started happening to him, it could work.”

The other seemed to have frozen where he stood, hand outstretched, with a look of terror and pleading across his features.

The Doctor stumbled over his words. “I...I don’t know what I could do, I mean...what’s this about a temporal interference?”

“Always being distracted, aren’t we?” a new voice said. One that caused the Doctor to step back a pace.

“What are you doing here?” he asked through gritted teeth.

The man stepped forward, a condescending smile on his face and white shirt almost shining in the gloom. “Did you miss me?”

The Doctor had to close his eyes and take several deep breaths. Seeing himself was one thing, but seeing others...

“Why are you back?”

“Oh, I’m not yet. We’re still running behind you. Still got a bit of time before you meet up with me again. Oops!” He dramatically covered his mouth. “I mean, before _he_ meets up with me. I must say, having two of you opens up so many possibilities.”

The Doctor looked between the three men; the one in the leather coat, the other with the outstretched hand, and the black and white man. A thought occurred to him, and he giggled softly.  A glance was shared by the trio.

“Rose was right,” he said, still laughing. “Every Christmas, and here you are!” He pointed to the one in the leather coat. “You ought to know this one better than anybody. Remember Dickens? Ghosts at Christmas? What this is, some insane version of that? Christmas past,” he said, still pointing to the one in the leather coat, “Christmas present,” he pointed to the other, “and Christmas yet to come,”  he pointed to the black and white man, who looked faintly disgusted. “I guess that makes me Scrooge. Where’s Tiny Tim and all the gang? Come on!”

“Please,” the other said urgently. “If you want to go back you need to come with us now. The temporal interference won’t last much longer.”

The Doctor stopped laughing and managed to look serious again. “No,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

This was met with various outbursts.  The other let out a strangled gasp while the black and white man laughed. “He’ll destroy himself, you can’t leave him alone!” said the one in the leather coat.

“Listen to yourselves,” the Doctor said. “Temporal interference? A stable hole? The only thing stable around here is me! And I won’t be going with any of you, to wherever you came from. Because if this is what I have to look forward to, I’d rather stay here.”

The one in the leather coat sighed, but had a strange little smile. “Then there’s nothing more I can do here. Good luck. And...take care of her.” He turned and vanished into the shadows of the hall.

“That just leaves the three of us,” the black and white man said in a sing-song. The other still hadn’t moved.

“Are you going to try to give me advice, too?” the Doctor asked.

The black and white man smoothed his necktie. “Would you listen?”

“You’re not even from my future, you’re from his. Plus, it’s you. So, no, probably not.”

The black and white man smiled. “Good. I would have told you to run. Which would have made you chase me instead of run, therefore making my advice pointless, but the capture that much more delicious.” He gave a mocking bow and followed the one in the leather coat into the darkness.

That left the other.

“There is temporal interference,” he gasped. He seemed to be struggling for breath, and his hand remained fixed in front of him. “It’s real. Those others are just blowback from crossing over, but the tear itself is real. Please.”

The Doctor looked at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But I can’t.” Even as the words came, they felt false. They were someone else’s words. “I have a home here. I have a...a family. It’s what I...you...we’ve always wanted. You keep travelling because you keep losing people—”

“Not anymore,” the other said in a strained voice. The Doctor ignored it.

“We lost everything, even before the War. You want me to leave all this again? To abandon Rose again?”

At the mention of her name, the other’s eyes shot up to meet his. “Rose.”

“Even if she did come along with us, what would it change? You’re too damaged and you know it.”

The other could only gasp for breath.

“Go back. Start over. Move on.”

“What if...I can’t?” the other said.

“You will. Now leave. Back to where you came from, my subconscious or whatever. Because I know you can’t be real.”

“How do you know for certain?”

“Because if you’re really as far gone as they said you are, you wouldn’t come here to find Rose. You’d go back.”

The other closed his eyes and shivered. “Don’t tell her...I’m like this.”

“She’ll never know you were here.”

“Thank you...Doctor,” the other said. His limbs seemed to become unstuck and he turned to disappear down the hall.

&&&

Rose woke the next morning pleasantly forgetting it was Christmas. The feeling was soon dissipated by the Doctor tackling her in bed.

“Happy Christmas, Rose! I’ve figured it out!”

She blinked at him, waiting patiently for him to explain. “What?” she asked dutifully.

“The holiday hallucinations you were telling me about! Oh, I like that. Household holiday hallucinations. That’s what they should be known as, although admittedly it’s not my best work...”

“What about them?” Rose asked, not fazed in the least by a Time Lord metacrisis sprawled across her duvet.

“It’s temporal interference, caused by the Earth being at a certain point in its revolution, which happens to coincide with December. A weakened or distracted mind might pick up on it, and what’s more distracting than Christmas?” He beamed at her.

“Can we stop it?”

“What? No, no, not unless we shift the orbit of the sun and at least three other planets nearby. Actually...”

Rose knew that look. “No moving planets. We’ll just live with the holiday hallucinations. They’re not harmful, right?”

The Doctor paused a moment too long. “No, of course not. Completely harmless to humans. The interference just makes you see things from your past, things with strong emotion attached.”

“Hmm,” Rose said.

 “It’s how people react to them that might be harmful,” the Doctor continued. “You know how humans get.”

“Yeah.” Rose glanced around, suddenly wanting to change the topic. “It’s Christmas, yeah? So, let’s go do the traditional thing and open presents, head down to the pub, stuff ourselves with turkey at Mum’s, and fall asleep watching _The Great Escape_. Sound like a plan?”

“Oh, Rose Tyler, I love it.” He leaned over to kiss her soundly. “I wouldn’t change it for the world.”


End file.
